Frists Work to Make Divorce Less Painful
Written by
Irwin J. Kuhn
Originally published in the print edition of the Nashville Tennessean on September 19, 2012
For more information on collaborative divorce please see: http://www.dvlawfirm.com/family/collaborative-family-practice
Irwin J. Kuhn
Originally published in the print edition of the Nashville Tennessean on September 19, 2012
For more information on collaborative divorce please see: http://www.dvlawfirm.com/family/collaborative-family-practice
Former Sen. Bill Frist and his wife, Karyn, recently announced their divorce. It appears they did something very difficult, very well.
The Frist divorce is notable in a number of ways that will benefit the
senator and the soon-to-be former Mrs. Frist greatly in future. It was
about as private as can be. There is a minimum of public filings.
Mrs. Frist submitted a bare-bones petition asking for Tennessee’s
version of no-fault divorce. It was dignified. Sen. Frist
simultaneously answered, admitting with sadness that their
differences are beyond repair.
One prominent feature is probably unnoticed by most. Sen. Frist
announced that he and his wife reached a divorce agreement
“through a collaborative law process.” Collaborative divorce is the newest alternative to a painful, long,
expensive and public divorce.
How people get divorced makes a
difference. Some may accept aggressive
tactics as routine. But they only make a
difficult situation worse. For example,
elevated levels of discord during divorce
significantly increase the chances children
will come out of divorce with anxiety and
depression.
When parties choose to proceed
collaboratively, they decide from the
beginning that they want something better, a
negotiated settlement. So much so that they
enter an agreement that the lawyers they hire will not go to court with them if they
cannot come to terms. A premium is put on
reaching consensus. For the lawyers, the
mark of success is reaching a working,
negotiated lasting settlement.
In a collaborative session, the parties meet
face to face. It can be hard work. Often a
neutral third party, trained to keep difficult
discussions under control, meets with the
couple and their lawyers in an effort to
identify goals. Later, the parties propose and discuss options. Neutral financial advisers are often key members
of the team.
Working with such a team may sound like an expensive process fit
only for the wealthy.
Seasoned collaborative attorneys disagree.
Kevin Fuller, a top Dallas matrimonial lawyer, says he had 56
collaborative cases in a three-year period. Concurrently, he had
three cases he described as “go-get-’ems.” He calculated that the
fees from the three go-get-’ems exceeded the fees in all 56
collaborative cases combined. Collaborative efficiency is the key.
Collaborative divorce is new to Nashville. The Middle Tennessee
Collaborative Alliance (www.mtcollab.com), of which I am vice
president, has a number of collaboratively trained lawyers, mental
health professionals and financial consultants. Each is committed to
high standards. Others hold themselves out as collaborative, but
the distinguishing characteristic of a real collaborative divorce is the
agreement to not go to court.
Bill and Karyn Frist may have untied the knot. But they will always
be connected through their children and grandchildren and
common loved ones. The way they chose to divorce will give them
a much better chance of putting aside their differences, perhaps
long enough one day to dance together at a child’s wedding.
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